Where in the world have I been??!?

Hi!!!!!!  How are you??!  It’s been a while.  Okay, actually, it’s been years.  Wow.  I’m not really sure how so much time has elapsed but here we are.

So you may be wondering, “Melissa, where in the world have you been!?!” so let me fill you in.  Years back, I made the difficult decision to work less so that I could be more available to my kids.  They were still so little and needy.  They weren’t sleeping through the night.  They were barely napping.  I was trying to run a small business, keep a clean house, make healthy meals, shower once a day and be a present full time stay at home mom to my kids while maintaining a relationship with my husband and, honestly, it wasn’t really working. 

Carl (my husband) & I were ships in the night.  I would be with the kids all day.  Then, when he got home, I would run to our office to squeeze in emails, phone calls, blog posts, etc… When possible, I ate dinner at my desk because while I was wanted at dinner time, I was definitely going to be needed for our 18 hour bedtime routine.

On the weekends, I would have portraits or events to photograph.  When I didn’t, I would need Carl to be with the kids so that I could edit and update my finances, etc. The kids rebelled against me getting ANY work done.  Instead of working, I would end up consoling cries, finding the missing cup or attempting to write an email while a kid was dancing on my lap. We were all frustrated and I was often sad to miss the fun weekend stuff like birthday parties, carnivals, t-ball games and family gatherings. I know that so many families work just fine this way but it wasn’t at all what we wanted our lives to be.

TMI ahead: Since I breastfed both of my kids, when they were young I had to make time to pump during weddings when I would often be gone for 12 hours at a time. I learned to drive somewhat discreetly with a breast pump attached to me. I would skip meals at weddings so that I could pump in a bathroom stall. Ugh. Once, I forgot my pump and sat in my car in a dark parking lot hand expressing into a bottle. It was a low point and it was painful and messy but I had no choice. To make things even more fun, my daughter was that baby that REFUSED bottles. When she was just months old, I was at a wedding. Carl kept frantically messaging me to tell me that she wasn’t drinking ANY milk. Being that her preferred milk source was about to photograph a bride walking down the aisle, there was nothing that I could do (except worry – which I did). Eventually, with the help of his mom and our pediatrician, he got some milk into her with a syringe and, going forward, a spoon or cup worked but there was a lot of crying and frustration all around. When I got home that night finally able to feed my very hungry baby, I questioned if I wanted to continue on this way.

Side note to all of you breastfeeding momma’s and especially all of you breastfeeding and working outside of the home momma’s out there. I see you. You all are AMAZING!!! I know it isn’t easy.

It wasn’t long after that night that I made the clear decision to slow down. On the first weekend in a long time that I didn’t have to work, I asked my kids if they wanted to go to a playground.  My son excitedly responded, “You mean, as a FAMILY?!!” I knew then that I was making the right decision and I have not regretted it.  

During that time, I worked a lot less but I was still working.  I took jobs but I didn’t promote them on social media or blogs.  I said no when I knew it would be too much. I allowed myself to slow down to a pace that felt more manageable.  

Fast forward a bit: With my son in grade school and my daughter just months away from starting full time Kindergarten, I was beginning to see how I could start making more time for my business again. I was excited. Then….. the pandemic hit.  Yeah.  I know you all feel this one.  The world shifted for everyone in so many different ways and I think we were all just fighting to stay sane.

Blurry memories of that time: being in my pajamas while my son was trying to teach me how to do The Floss when my phone started buzzing with rumors that we would be getting ration boxes from the National Guard on our doorsteps (not true). We were being told to run out right away and stockpile food. Panic. Then, back to botching complicated dance moves with my kiddo.

Later, I recall being mid teddy bear tea party with my daughter while side eying my phone with news alerting me that the Capital was under attack. Though internally I felt on the verge of absolute hysteria, I instead poured another cup of tea to a bear in a pink hat and smiled at my daughter. What else could I do? Honestly, I think that having young kids at that time was extraordinarily difficult but also an incredible gift. We didn’t have a lot of time to linger on our worries. After all, there were tea parties to be had.

During the pandemic, I knew my business would have to wait. Everyone was social distancing and canceling events.  I mean, that’s back when we were still risking our lives to go to Trader Joe’s (I recall long socially distanced and segregated by age lines wrapping into the parking lot – inside the workers yelled things like “if you touch an apple, you buy it” and “keep moving.”), masking alone in the woods, wiping down groceries and scooping takeout food onto plates (how did that make any sense???).  Maybe you didn’t do all of that craziness but we did and it was nuts.  

We navigated the world of virtual school pretty well that spring but come fall, my third grader was NOT having it.  Long story short, with the guidance of a friend, we began homeschooling. My child instantly went from angry and depressed to happy and carefree. Overnight.  It’s funny how life changes.  If you had told me that I would be homeschooling my Kindergartener and Third grader during a pandemic just months before, I would NEVER have believed you. Never ever ever. Never.

If you know me, you may know that I am somewhat impulsive, and not super structured (though I do love things to be clean & organized!).  I tend to follow my gut and hop from one thing to the next. While I knew that homeschool was what my son needed, I had NO idea how my personality could possibly pull off this new full time career that I suddenly had. I had so many worries. Here’s what I learned though… homeschool was not at all what I thought it was going to be. It’s probably not at all what you think it is. I boiled it down to these two things: really get to know your child and their needs and then instill in them a love of learning. That’s it. If there was anything that I was a pro at, it was knowing my kids and their needs and so the journey began.

It turned out that homeschooling was actually really wonderful.  It was freeing.  It was so much nature and so much art.  It was documentaries in our pajamas.  It was picnics. It was a lot of time with new friends.  It was baking 3 layer cakes, cleaning bathrooms, folding clothes, handwriting letters, tracking animal prints, stomping through creeks, climbing trees and learning bird calls.  It was long hikes and reading novels on a blanket in the sun. It was full days of painting.  It was museums and nature centers.  It was mud. SO much mud. It was all of that and so much more. It was not at all my kids sitting in a desk in a makeshift school/ living room with a textbook and me pointing to posters. We joined a co-op and the kids also attended an amazing nature school program as well as an outdoor mindfulness group. It all felt really really natural and good.

I can honestly say that those pandemic years were THE most social as well as emotionally and intellectually broadening years of my life as parent. Possibly of my whole life.  Instead of a day staring at a computer, my kids might have been baking a cake, learning to sew, searching for fossils with friends or mapping out a family tree.   The huge bonus for me was that I was learning right along side them in a way I never did in school. It was immersive and so much fun. At times, homeschool was downright magical. Truly.

That all said, nothing is all roses and sunshine. For a variety of reasons, there were some really difficult days and there were intense struggles. I have lots of new gray hairs to prove it. 😉 We were learning and growing and like most growth it hurt, sometimes a lot… but we grew and I believe that we are better for it. Some really hard lessons were learned and I don’t just mean for my kids. There were days when you may have found me pouring tears in my bathroom, stuffing my face with dark chocolate or driving past my house on my way home from Target just so that I could have a few extra minutes to myself.  To be fair though, these are things that would have happened/ do happen pre and post pandemic as well.  Parenthood is tough, amirite?

Overall, what I learned is that homeschooling is not for the faint of heart. You have to be vulnerable. You have to be flexible and be able to pivot quickly when needed (turns out my sporadic personality came in handy here!). I will say that if I could do it, I truly believe that any parent with a desire and an open mind can do it. It was a journey and one that I am forever and ever grateful that I had. I will forever cherish the wonderful friends that we made and the precious memories and bonds that I made with my babies.

While I did truly love those days and even considered us being longtime homeschoolers, life had other plans and we eventually said goodbye to that time in our life. These days, the kids are in public school and they are doing great.  While there is a whole lot that I miss about homeschooling as well as a whole lot that I do not love about public school, this seems to be working best for us right now and things are good.  The great part is that I can finally focus on getting my business back up and running.  I will continue to prioritize my family by minimizing my work hours and saying no when I need to but I am SO SO excited to have more opportunities to work with all of you!  I’ve missed you!!! If you actually read all of this, thank you!!!  I felt like I needed to give a big update since I have been MIA for so long.  

Please reach out and say hello! I want to hear how you have been. How did things change for you during the pandemic? Let’s catch up and schedule those photographs that you’ve been meaning to have taken!!! Let’s collaborate and make it happen! Life goes too fast. Let me help you preserve this time in your life before it shifts into another new phase overnight.

Last thing, I promise!!! I am beyond grateful that I had the luxury of choosing to homeschool. I recognize that it is not an option for many. While we sacrificed in many ways, we were also able to make it work, even if just barely some days. My husband, Carl, works so hard and is always so supportive. I have no idea how he continued to work with the 3 of us in the house, but he did it. Thanks to him we have memories that we will treasure forever. Thank you, Carl!!!

I’m adding way too many photographs below. I have thousands and thousands of photographs that I took during that time…. proof that I never stopped photographing!

March 14, 2020. This is one of the first photographs that I took after everything shut down. Carl & I were wondering how we would make it through TWO WEEKS of social distancing. I still remember saying “see you in two weeks” to Wesley’s bus driver. Ha!! Honestly, if we knew what was ahead of us I don’t think we would’ve made it through.

Do you remember how difficult it was to find masks early on? We were DIYing with all sorts of household items….. and also seeking levity in the most miserable of times. 😉

Here’s me “hugging” my mom in 2020 and then me attempting to make virtual learning work for my kids…

On one of our very first day of official homeschool (not virtual learning), I took the kids to a park. We had the first of many school days consisting of a hike and a backpack full of books, snacks and art supplies. These are the 3 drawings from that day. Wesley always draws the most flatteringly accurate portraits of me.

My son started chalking the house and looked at me guiltily. Imagine his delight when I grabbed a piece of chalk and started to help. I actually think that I would prefer our house to always look like this!

Every year on my daughter’s birthday we take some photos in/ on Patsy Midnight (that’s the name we gave to our Ford Escape) where Simone was born. Here we did a brief reenacment of her birth. Haha! I am wearing the dress and pink sweater I wore on that wild day. Her birthday happened to fall on Easter in 2020 so they also ate chocolate bunnies up there. Why not? 🙂

2020 Family get togethers = Zoom calls

See, I told you we masked in the woods.

Forever grateful for all the snow we got in 2020!!!

Do you remember that in 2020 the spotted lanternfly arrived and added to the absolute mayhem that was our lives? They were out of control. We spent many summer days, swiping lanternflys into soapy water. It was a big hobby for Wes and kept him busy for hours. Yuck!

Wes took homeschool field day seriously!

Listen, I was not kidding when I mentioned there was a lot of mud.

Wilhelmina Beatrice, AKA “Beast”, was our unbelievably wild (she climbed telephone poles!) and beautiful kitty that we had in our lives for much too short of a time. We miss her. She brought us so so so much joy. Perhaps her very own tribute blog is in the near future.